Why You Shouldn't Compare Yourself To Others

Comparing yourself to others is something I'm pretty sure we all do. I used to be someone who compared myself to others non stop. I won't lie I still do sometimes but nowhere near as much as I used to.
I'm 17 now and around the ages of 12 to 15 it got so bad that I emotionally made myself feel like shit. Like so bad. I would look in the mirror and see a list of endless things I hated about myself. My eyebrows were too big, my nose was too big, I hated how not flat my stomach was and the way my knee's looked. Anything someone could have felt self conscious about, I didn't like about myself. I hated when I looked in the mirror and just hated what reflected back.
Then going back on social media like facebook and instagram and seeing girls who looked so good. Who had a perfect stomach, who had perfect skin, perfect hair and girls who looked so pretty. I asked myself why I couldn't be like them. The 'Tumblr' girls are the girls I'm talking about. I'm sure alot of you know what I mean but incase you don;t here are a few examples.

That is a horrible way to put yourself down. It took me so long to realize that even the girl who I think looks perfect doesn't like something about herself and is self conscious of something. Have you ever looked at someone in a bus or a shop and in your opinion they look amazing, and you get a bit sad that you may never see them again. Someone could look at you like that at any time and you wouldn't know. Just because there are things you don't like about yourself doesn't mean that someone else won't see beautiful things about you. We all have flaws and things about ourselves that we hate. I think trying to accept them and feeling somewhat comfortable with them is very difficult but once you have almost achieved it, it makes life kind of easier.

As of right now I am definitely not as bad as I used to be. It took alot of tears and alot of feeling crap but without that I wouldn't have gotten to where I am. I still compare myself but thankfully it's not as bad.

I think it's so important not to compare because again everyone is so different so unique. This might sound so cringe for anyone who doesn't like reading things like this but.. there is no one in the world like you (unless you have an identical twin or a doppelganger, even then there are still differences) you may as well own it. And stay true to yourself. It's important to feel confident in your own body, but it's also okay not to, it takes so long to fully feel confident.

You're not Innocent!

In 2013 'You're not Innocent' by Australian singer and songwriter Codi Kaye went viral. It is a song about this girl who got bullied so much she turns to suicide, it shows the pain of her family and the pain of her friends. The people bullied  her so much she couldn't handle it. It asks the bullies how they feel now shes gone. 'You can try you can plead but you're not innocent'. I love this song so much, it is so descriptive and gets the message across so well. You're not Innocent- Codi Kaye: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eIRyM8b0pIM
I would highly recommend you to watch and listen it is incredible. This song gave me the inspiration for this post.

Ever since I stumbled across this song, I can't get it out of my mind, the message behind it is so strong and heartfelt. The sad reality of today is a lot of people are getting bullied, or made fun of. So many people are being laughed at either at school, at work or online sometimes even when they're not there. They are made a topic to laugh at, and they can't eve stand up for themselves because they're not there. It is disgusting and horrible. Anyone who thinks it's okay to laugh at anyone in a demeaning manner in my opinion is a bully.

I know from experience that having someone laughing at you is horrible and makes you feel like crap. Alot of people already have enough things going on in their life as it is they don't needed added sadness and stress. Bullying can range from anything from laughing or being mean to someone or
saying nasty things to people and physically harming them.

I really don't understand what someone can get out of making another person feel bad, making another person depressed and suicidal. Alot of people don't realize that what they are are doing is bullying.They simply think they are 'messing' or joking around. Although I know that there is extreme bullying where people can say really horrible things things like ' go kill yourself' I don't think that can ever be said in a joking manner. At the end of the day we are all humans, we all experiance pain we all have our own shit going on in our life, we don't deserve to be treated like this nor should we allow ourselves to do this to someone else. It is horrible.

Think of it this way. You find school really difficult, you don't like going. Alot of people think its funny to take the piss out of you. Yet they don't know the power of their words or the impact on what they are doing. They think it's 'funny'. Is it funny that you want to get out of school because you can't handle the constant sniggers or the 'jokes' the sarcastic comments?
 Do they think it's funny that you go home crying everyday? That it adds to your anxiety? That it puts you in a bad mood when you get home? That it can make you feel worthless and not loved. That sometimes it can make you want to go and end it all. The things that these people think are 'jokes' are the reason you find it hard to leave your house, and really hate gong to school.
That is not funny. NO matter what.

We all deal with pain in different ways and just because someone doesn't mind the 'jokes' doesn't mean that another person will. It is not fun to be the center of someone's entertainment and fun. It's not fun to go home wondering why it's always you people want to pick on. Wondering why people hate you so much.

How would you feel if you picked on someone because you thought you were only joking and having fun. And then that person commit suicide, how would you feel? That person was so hurt they couldn't live their own life anymore. Their blood is on your hands. Please be careful with your words and actions because you never know how what is going on in someone's life or how things can get to them. Again, just because it doesn't bother you doesn't mean it won't hurt another person.

If you think you're 'joking' or 'taking the piss' think again and think about how someone else would feel and how you would feel if people bullied you. It is bullying.

I may come across as very harsh in this, and fair enough. But I am SO sick of seeing people making people feel like crap and laughing about it. Just think before you speak that is all I'm asking.

If you or anyone you know is going through a hard time with people picking on you, please talk to someone you don't deserve to go through this. Talk to someone you trust you're not alone.

Stay strong x

A look back at 2016!!

Hey everyone, as promised I am going to do a little look back at 2016. As it is the first day of 2017 I decided to reflect a little on the year.

Personally I thought 2016 was quite a nice year. Although like Kylie said:

Although she probably could have phrased it a little better, I think she was definitely right. This year was challenging but showed me things that were very important.

This time last year, I was heading into my Junior Cert exams. I was very anxious and  nervous about them because let's face I'm not the brightest person there is. This sounds silly to say now but for the first 2 months of school I used to come home and cry because I was terrified. That sounds silly now because really the junior cert was nothing to be scared of (I'll talk about that later). This time last year I was getting very anxious about my upcoming mock exams that were going to be in February. I spent most of my Christmas worrying therefore I didn't enjoy my Christmas and New Year as much as I would've liked.  

Surely February came and I had to face my mocks, I'm not gonna sit here and lie. I was shitting myself haha. I really was terrified. However, they definitely weren't as bad as I had made myself believe. If you are facing mocks soon, just remember that they are there to help you so when you get your results back you know where you need to work on. Also just to have the practice of sitting an actual exam and the stress and anxiety surrounding exams. I definitely didn't do good in the mocks but they definitely helped.

I'm not gonna lie my 2016 (while I was doing my Junior Cert) was pretty boring. I didn't really have much time to go travelling or doing fun things. Although it was stressful it has been my favorite year hands down. My friends and I, I think because it was so stressful did everything we could to make it as good as possible. We tried to keep each other motivated and happy even though it was difficult. Because I didn't do anything like that important (that I can remember) and nothing important (that I can remember) happened. I'm gonna skip to MAY.

I remember there being one week to my Junior Cert and me being terrrrified. With that being said I definitely didn't study, I really did the lowest amount of study. Unfortunately the day before my exams started my grandfather sadly passed away. This definitely crushed me because I loved and missed him so much (and still do of course). That was a hard blow the day before the exams, I remember that night I just had a massive panic attack and really struggled. 

That morning I woke up and felt kinda sick. I was terrified. Thankfully it was English the first day and I love English so it wasn't too bad. Getting into the exam room, my anxiety kicked off and I was shitttttting myself. After the first half an hour I forgot that I was doing an exam and I was fine. Looking back on it now, the Junior Cert was not even that bad at all. I made myself think it was going to be awful and it really wasn't seriously. I am so glad there is the Junior Cert because you do need something that sets you for the Leaving Cert. I have a Vlog of the day I got my results (  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZN5yGMDSWc&t=1s ) If you wanna go watch it.

I ACTUALLY PASSED ALL OF MY EXAMS. Wow.  I was over the moon!! I really did so much better than I thought I would. The top and skirt are both from Topshopppp. I love the top so much and even wear it casually, it is actually a khaki green which I love. And the skirt is so comfortable. I just put this in black and white because let's be real this isn't exactly the most flattering picture of me haha. 

 I did Transition Year instead of going into 5th year (even though I am probably a little too old). And I am SO happy I did it. Because after the stress of the Junior Cert it is really nice to have that break and a little bit of funnn. The highlight of my year HAS to be going to Italy in October, that was so amazing. I actully did vlog that too if you wanna go see it (wow I need to chill with that self promo). It by far is my favorite video that I've done. So I wouldn't miss it, if I were you;). ( https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pRPYtqqed0s ). If you follow my social medias, Instagram in particular you would've seen snippets of Italy because it's flooded in my feed but in case you haven't here you go:

Italy hands down was the highlight of a tough year. Spending time away in a foreign and beautiful country with friends and classmates is so amazing. You learn things about yourself and others that you didn't know before. 

Throughout the year I have struggled alot with anxiety. I cover that alot over here and a tiny bit on my YT. It is something that is always there and something that stops me from doing things occasionally. However I don't want it to let it stop me from doing things I want to do. Like going to concerts and things like that. It definitely has gotten better but I am not fully there yet. There is a massive stigma around mental health and coming out and talking about it. If you are struggling with ANY kind of mental health problem, you are NOT alone. I know that at times when you feel like everything is just crushing down on you and that you're crumbling and can't handle the pressure, there is always someone who loves you and someone you can talk to. Make the decision to tell someone and try and get help from there. It is something I am trying to work on at the minute. 

The buildup of exams got the better of me and I had panic attacks after panic attacks,the best thing you can do is sit down and talk to someone. Also I like to distract myself with things I like doing for example photography, or YouTube. Or I go for a walk to feel more refreshed. Stay Strong x

These past couple of months have been busy and intense. I lost my beautiful grandmother and another family member, that was a really hard blow. It never gets easier, but I know that they're in a better place watching over myself and the rest of my family. Through tough times you need the love and support of your family to help you get through it. 

Although the main reason we were in Birmingham was sad, it was beautiful at the same time. Funerals are so sad, it was a very difficult day but it was also a beautiful day because you remember the person and you celebrate their life. 

I had the opportunity of spending a lovely weekend in London with my family. I did actually Vlog this but because I was having so much trouble with editing and stuff I deleted it, which I actually regret a little. I went with my sister and my mom and I had a really lovely time. I did ALOT of Christmas shopping, I went to Big Ben and the Aquarium and Buckingham Palace, I had a really lovely time. The flag was up so the queen was home when we went. London is a really lovely place however if I'm being honest I definitely wouldn't like to live there. I am so used of living in the middle of nowhere where there is no noise and people to being put into chaos haha, but I did have a lovely time. Although I was in Oxford Street and my anxiety wasn't having any of it. It had just gone after 5 so everyone was coming home from school and work it really was delightful.   

I had an amazing Christmas, and I hope you did too! Christmas is my favorite time of the year, however this year it didn't feel as Chrismassy as usual.I was very very very very lucky to get a laptop off Santa. I'm actually using it now while writing this post. It is the Asus Transporter Book, I personally call her Alice the Asus ( I'm weird okay haaha) I got a bunch of other goodies as well. I am really am so grateful and lucky. I love how Christmas brings everyone closer together although I do find that it is the most stressful few months but I can deal. 

If anyone is interested I wore this beautiful playsuit and jumper combo from H&M: (Flash photography warning) 

I have also started exercising more, just because I want to feel more comfortable with it. And yes I do realize I look like I have a major food baby growing, but I am working on it haha. I don't want to call it a new year's resolution because I won't actually stick to it. Realistically I may not stick to it anyway but I can try.  Sports Bra: Dunnes Stores, Yoga Pants: H&M.

This year I am going to try and focus on my Anxiety, School, YouTube my Blog and my Happiness. If you have any suggestions on Blog Topics you would like me to cover comment and let me know, remember you don't have to have an account to comment you can comment Anonymously.  If you want to keep posted on my social medias give them a follow. My Instagram is: @http.lookitsfifi Twitter: @lookitsfifi Snapchat: fifimc99 (this my personal I don't have an actual Snapchat for my blog or youtube yet) And YouTube: Fiona McNamara 

If you have gotten to the end of this thank youuu. I hope you have an amazing day. I am definitely going to try to be more active over here. I am also trying to redecorate my Blog layout. Hopefully I can manage to do it.

Until next time, 

                         Fiona x 

A little catch up...

Hello everyone it's been a really long time. Buttt I'm back. I hope you had a lovely Christmas day, and I hope Santa spoiled you. I had a really good Christmas although in having said that it didn't feel Christmassy at all or is that just me? I LOVE Christmas so much yet it didn't feel it was Christmas.

Towards the end of the year I have gotten so bad with uploading blog posts, and I think the main reason may be because I have a YouTube channel but I don't want that to be stopping me from uploading Blog posts because I love talking over here too. YouTube is definitely more demanding than having a Blog, I just need to find the balance between both. Before I started my Blog or my YouTube channel I was terrified of what people would think, I was scared of putting myself out there and of people not liking me and people from school finding out. A year on and this Blog has made me the happiest I've been in a really long time. Of course like alot of things you do in life not a lot of people will have anything nice to say about it. The first time I heard that people didn't have nice things to say I felt really upset and almost considered deleting this. I am so happy I didn't because the reality is not everyone is going to like you or what you do. Always remember that. Do the things that make YOU feel happy and don't care what anyone else says. Always do what you want.
To sum this up I am so happy I stuck to doing my Blog and YouTube and I couldn't be any happier.

Not going to lie I've had a quite crappy couple of months towards the end of what I considered a good enough year. I've had to deal with loss, and it was tough. Losing family members is the hardest thing ever. And also on top of that my anxiety has gotten worse. It's been really tough. It's definitely not easy to lose family. Or for anxiety to take a turn for the worst, but in my opinion I think the minute you realize that there are going to be good moments in your life and bad ones in makes it that little bit better. Just think that you may be going through a bad time now but it will get better. That's what I've been saying anyway and it helps a little bit. You've just got to remember that you are never alone, and that there are people to talk to when you're not feeling good, and don't forget it.

I probbaly will do a reflecting on 2016 post, I love reading posts like that. So I'm not going to say too much here but overall it wasn't a bad year. And I'm a little apprehensive about 2017 but I am excited.

I do want my Blog to be more active in 2017 and hopefully I can actually stick to it this time. I'm exciteddd. This is definitely very rambly and all over the place but I don't think it would be a Fiona blog post without that. For those who supported me and are still reading my Blog and watching my YouTube videos, THANK YOU SO MUCH. It means the world.

See you soon,
                       Fiona xo

Panic attack after panic attack...

Hey there, I hope you're having an amazing day. My blog is a little bit all over the place at the moment I'm not sure what I want to do with it.. like what content to post. Once I figure that out I hope it will be a bit better.

I have social anxiety: It is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is experiencing it is afraid of social situations (like talking infront of the class) also people who have social anxiety fear that they are constantly being judged and criticized by other people.

 I have an entire blog post dedicated to my story with anxiety and how I deal with it ( http://lookitsfifi.blogspot.ie/2016/02/my-struggle-with-anxiety.html ) It's a long read but hopefully it can make you understand a little bit better.

As if anxiety wasn't bad enough I also have panic attacks. These thankfully aren't that frequent and I probably experience them maybe three times a week, which isn't too bad. Lately my anxiety and panic attacks have been getting alot worse then usual. I go through phases where it is really good and I don't get anxious about much, but I also get times where my anxiety gets really bad where I can't even ask to go to the toilet in class and where I get a lot of panic attacks. Anxiety for anyone who has experienced it is a very uncomfortable and awkward feeling.

I do work experience every Monday and I love it, the people I work with are so lovely and kind. And I love the environment there. However, that is where my anxiety is really bad just because it's not something I'm used to doing every day. At school it's bad but nowhere as bad as work experience. Last night I was feeling very anxious and down, this morning was no different and on top of that I felt very sick (I have a flu). I was doing washup today where I work and for no reason at all I just started to get very dizzy, and my heart was beating so quickly. I found it difficult to breathe and I started sweating. I had to go away from everyone and try to compose myself. I started crying and I couldn't breathe. After fifteen minutes went past I decided to tell the people that I work with that I wasn't feeling well. They were so nice and really caring. They sat me down and gave me a glass of water. Twenty minutes went by and I was feeling better but I still wasn't breathing properly.My panic attack had gone, for then. Ten minutes later it came back and the room was spinning. I couldn't handle it.  I decided then that I wanted to go home, thankfully I had someone to collect me. The minute I sat down at home I relaxed so much. This was relieving but also very annoying because I really wanted to be able to overcome it so I don't have to leave a situation because of my anxiety.

I started to feel very guilty that I had to leave work, I felt like I would never be able to work somewhere. Basically I just started to beat myself up really badly which isn't fair. It's not my fault that I get anxious sometimes and that I can't control it.

Instead of dwelling on what happened I need to find a way to learn how to compose myself better. I tried breathing slower and that didn't really help. I tried grounding which is thinking of five things you can see, hear, smell and feel. This helped to a certain extent but not really.

I'm writing this just to say that if you deal with this too, you're not alone. Anxiety just makes even the simplest of things difficult. It's a constant battle of one moment feeling okay and an other moment you feel like you're crumbling. You're strong enough to deal with it and you can do it. Believe in yourself. I hope this post did kinda help in someway.

Have you ever had anxiety or panic attacks? And if so how did you deal with it?

Until next time,
                      Fiona x