Monday, 21 November 2016
Panic attack after panic attack...
Hey there, I hope you're having an amazing day. My blog is a little bit all over the place at the moment I'm not sure what I want to do with it.. like what content to post. Once I figure that out I hope it will be a bit better.
I have social anxiety: It is an anxiety disorder in which a person who is experiencing it is afraid of social situations (like talking infront of the class) also people who have social anxiety fear that they are constantly being judged and criticized by other people.
I have an entire blog post dedicated to my story with anxiety and how I deal with it ( http://lookitsfifi.blogspot.ie/2016/02/my-struggle-with-anxiety.html ) It's a long read but hopefully it can make you understand a little bit better.
As if anxiety wasn't bad enough I also have panic attacks. These thankfully aren't that frequent and I probably experience them maybe three times a week, which isn't too bad. Lately my anxiety and panic attacks have been getting alot worse then usual. I go through phases where it is really good and I don't get anxious about much, but I also get times where my anxiety gets really bad where I can't even ask to go to the toilet in class and where I get a lot of panic attacks. Anxiety for anyone who has experienced it is a very uncomfortable and awkward feeling.
I do work experience every Monday and I love it, the people I work with are so lovely and kind. And I love the environment there. However, that is where my anxiety is really bad just because it's not something I'm used to doing every day. At school it's bad but nowhere as bad as work experience. Last night I was feeling very anxious and down, this morning was no different and on top of that I felt very sick (I have a flu). I was doing washup today where I work and for no reason at all I just started to get very dizzy, and my heart was beating so quickly. I found it difficult to breathe and I started sweating. I had to go away from everyone and try to compose myself. I started crying and I couldn't breathe. After fifteen minutes went past I decided to tell the people that I work with that I wasn't feeling well. They were so nice and really caring. They sat me down and gave me a glass of water. Twenty minutes went by and I was feeling better but I still wasn't breathing properly.My panic attack had gone, for then. Ten minutes later it came back and the room was spinning. I couldn't handle it. I decided then that I wanted to go home, thankfully I had someone to collect me. The minute I sat down at home I relaxed so much. This was relieving but also very annoying because I really wanted to be able to overcome it so I don't have to leave a situation because of my anxiety.
I started to feel very guilty that I had to leave work, I felt like I would never be able to work somewhere. Basically I just started to beat myself up really badly which isn't fair. It's not my fault that I get anxious sometimes and that I can't control it.
Instead of dwelling on what happened I need to find a way to learn how to compose myself better. I tried breathing slower and that didn't really help. I tried grounding which is thinking of five things you can see, hear, smell and feel. This helped to a certain extent but not really.
I'm writing this just to say that if you deal with this too, you're not alone. Anxiety just makes even the simplest of things difficult. It's a constant battle of one moment feeling okay and an other moment you feel like you're crumbling. You're strong enough to deal with it and you can do it. Believe in yourself. I hope this post did kinda help in someway.
Have you ever had anxiety or panic attacks? And if so how did you deal with it?
Until next time,