Saturday, 22 October 2016

A Year On...

Hey everyone, it has been such a long time since I've sat down and started writing a post (I'll go onto that later). My new YouTube video has just gone up: (it's my Italy Vlog)

I started this Blog on the fifth of October 2015, so a year ago last week. To think that I've been doing this for a year is so crazy. I started watching Zoella on YouTube in May of 2014 (I think) and immediately I loved her. There was just something about her that really stood out to me. I had never watched YouTube before that. I had never known that there were such people as YouTuber's I would occasionally watch YouTube for school projects but never to the extent I watch it now. Like YouTube I never knew there were Blogs either. I didn't even know what a Blog was until I read Zoe's again I fell in love with the way it connected with people. From then on I really wanted to have my own Blog. However I was terrified of what people (in school and outside) would think of me.

Putting myself out there at a stage where I had no self confidence and at a time where my anxiety was really bad was terrifying. I was also sitting my Junior Cert that Summer so it really didn't seem like a good time.
I remember I had been thinking about creating my own Blog after reading Zoe's novel Girl Online. On the fifth of October I came home from school because I had a panic attack and because I wasn't feeling well. That day I decided I was going to just do it and create it. I don't think I'll ever forget how nervous I was when I created it. When people at school found out (I put up when I had a new Blog post on my Snapchat and Instagram) I started to get even more anxious. One time I even got so close to deleting it but I was then reminded by my friends of why I had started it. Some people said they didn't like my Blog that it was too forced and dramatic and boring.. but you always have to remember that not everyone is going to love everything you do, that's just the way life is. The only real and important thing I learnt from my business class was ' without critics you'll likely have no success'. This has literally kept me going for everything. Before I started my Blog besides my Instagram there was nothing else I really loved doing. The beauty about a Blog is that you can talk about anything you want. It can range from beauty topics, fashion, food or relationships literally anything.

I have always found school really difficult even in primary school I would be the worst in the class just because nothing could stay in my brain. In secondary school I started to feel very stupid and hopeless. In my mind there was nothing I was good at I had to work so hard even just to pass a test. I was absolutely terrified about my Junior Cert (which I actually did okay in, I was shocked) there was eleven subjects I found so difficult. When I started writing my Blog I was so happy that there was something I really enjoyed to do to take my mind off how stressed I was for exams. Looking back now the Junior Cert is nothing to worry about at all.

Obviously having a Blog and a YouTube channel in such a small school where everyone knows everyone people are going to find out.. which initially was my biggest fear. Some people have been so nice and of course some haven't but that's just the way life is. Having people make fun of something that you love and something that already gives you alot of anxiety isn't a nice feeling. Although at the end of the day if you're doing the thing that makes you feel happy (which for me took ages to find)  fuckkkk what anyone else says. Because if someone is sad enough with their own life to have to make fun of someone else's happiness that just shows how sad their life is. It also shows that they're not nice people.. I believe that the people who pick on others aren't truly happy in themselves. Surround yourself with people who make you want to do better and people who make you feel positive.

I haven't published a post on this since August. The reason for that is because I started to feel very unmotivated. I wrote posts but they weren't good enough for me to publish. I've also been very busy but I do want to post more because I love writing on this.

Creating my Blog and my YouTube is the best decision I've ever made.. I love writing a post and making a video. They make me happy. I want to try and help people with my videos and my posts. If you want to create a Blog or a YouTube Channel or whatever it may be do it. Because although I was terrified I am so happy I did it.

'You never know until you try'

That's pretty much all I wanted to say. Thanks for reading x

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