My typical stay at home Saturday

Hello lovelies! ! How are you all? I hope you're having a fantastic day, and if not remember you can change it, by doing the things you love!

I decided that blog would be a what my typical stay at home Saturday is! Of course not all of my Saturdays are like this, but this was actually a really lovely day. This blog will be going up on Sunday because of course I'll have to edit it! 

For the past two months I have been picking different quotes each week, to try and help me stay positive and motivated. I put the quote in my school journal just incase it gets a bit too much at times. 

This is the quote I'm using this week! 

I woke up at half last eight this morning, yes it is a Saturday.  I was shocked, because usually I get up around eleven or twelve. 

 My bed sheets & pillow 

For deodorant I use : sure motion sense: bright bouquet (I lost the top cap for it lol) 

This is so good! Lasts all day and smells amazing! 

  My favourite fragrance is Zoella Let's Spritz! I love it so much, it smells so good and lasts all day! I love it! (Also please ignore my nails, we don't have any nail polish remover at the moment) 

I had waffles for breakfast which of course I don't have everyday! I just thought today I would! Actually in food terms I actually have eaten a lot of unhealthy things today! oh well! 

From my snapchat fifimc99 

 With that being said I was so productive which is so weird for me.

I decided to go for a walk and take a few photos for my instagragm. Literally no sooner as I had my scarf, hat & coat on it started to rain. Literally hailstone. Thankfully it stopped after fifteen minutes so I went again. I was really disappointed in my self, I live in a really rural area (the middle of nowhere to be honest) and amn't used of that many cars passing. And I was wearing a old track suit pants, a coat and a beanie and I got really self conscious and anxious, and when I saw the two cars I got really anxious. I didn't want them to see me, I got quite breathless really quickly. Thankfully they didn't pass me, so I just walked back home.

We have a really beautiful garden (curtesy of my mom) with the most beautiful flowers in it so that is usually where I get most of my instagragm photos from. If you follow my instagragm (@http.lookitsfifi) you would have seen today's Instagram post! If you're not on there I'll show you now ;)

 (http.lookitsfifi. Go like ;) )

Not to blow my own trumpet but I'm actually so proud of this picture, it just looks so effortless and beautiful. 

After this I washed my face and brushed my teeth! For my face I use Simple oil balancing exfoliating wash (yes I know, I have dry skin, I picked up the wrong one but it works anyways) I actually really like it including the fact that I have dry skin and I'm pretty sure this is for oily skin it is actually really nice, and manages to keep my skin mostly spot free! Overall actually I love the brand Simple. 

 My face wash  

 Toothpaste & toothbrush (please excuse how dirty my toothbrush is it's literally dried toothpaste)

I have really sensitive teeth and I think overall Colgate toothpastes are really good for my teeth, they keep them clean, white and freash (which of course is what a toothpaste does). 

Due to the fact that I have dry skin, mouisterising is soooo important. So again staying with the brand Simple (I love it) 

 Just a simple kind to skin hydrating light moisturiser. It is so good, it leaves my skin feeling so fresh and soft and my dry patches just disappear! Highly recommend it if you have dry skin! 

On the weekends (if I am just staying at home, and going no where else) I don't wear makeup because I like to give my skin a break and to be fresh faced. I don't wear face makeup to school anyways. All I wear is mascara (maybelline lash sensational). I took a selfie today! Please take no notice of my eyebrows I'm going to pluck them tomorrow! 

I found this scarf in my room, and I'm in love. Nomakeup/filter.

 I don't even know why I smile without my teeth because it doesn't suit me. Oh well ahaha. Also the scarf doesn't suit me like this but oh well.

On the weekends I love putting on nice clothes like jumper and stuff on and then just wearing a track suit bottom just to look nice and feel comfortable lol. Of course that's just when I'm in the house if I'm going somewhere I'll put on jeans. 

 I got my black jumper at new look (around this time last year actually) and it's one of my go to jumpers I seriously am addicted. This scarf I found in my wardrobe, it says that it's Irish woven on it, so it's somewhere from Ireland. I really like the colors on it. You can actually see my grey track suit bottoms as well. I tried to hide them,but obhiously not well enough. 

Literally so comfortable 

If you've been reading my blog for a while now you may know how lazy I am when it comes to school work and homework. Well today I was actually really productive which is crazy. I really think the waking up at half eight really helped me. I was so motivated and happy and actually wanted to do my homework. I started around a quarter to one, and didn't finish until half six! Of course I took breaks in between that for dinner and bathroom breaks and stuff, but I really had so much homework. And a test to study for. 

 I took a photo when I was doing my English homework. This is usually how I would set up my table for my homework/study. On the left I have my exam papers (all exam years have exam papers, for revision). Then I have my 'The merchant of Venice' play that has study notes in it (which is so helpful). I also really love this play, maybe because I love English, I don't know I just love it. Then of course I have my copy, where I just write my answers/notes. 

When my friend went to Paris like two months ago she bought me a little statue of the Eiffel Tower which was so kind, so I put it on my desk. Also it allows me to think of the people who have died in Paris. Beside this I have a fish cup which just has my pens and stuff. I got this in a aquarium in Wicklow a few years ago. Then I have my sticky notes for revision. 

I have my homework journal (filled with piles of homework of course) and my pencil case. 

On my study/homework breaks I usually have a healthier snack, but today I had 'Taytos' because we had them in the house and I coudn't resist. If you're Irish and have had them you'll know what I mean, or actually if you've ever tasted them! They are sooo good! I took the break before I started my business homework. 

On my wall I just have a sticky note that says 'by failing to prepare, you're preparing to fail' (just Incase you can't read my writing, loads of people can't lol). This just helps me keep motivated to study and do the best that I can. 

This just keeps me motivated. 

I took a break from studying and had dinner. I had chips and spicy chicken. Once again of course I don't have this all the time. It's just today my twin was cooking and this is what she made. 

From my snapchat fifimc99 

I didn't finish my homework until a quarter to seven (my English essay legit took 2 hours). After I was finished I was so happy to have everything done, of course I have a science test that I'll have to study for tomorrow. 

After I finish studying/homework I love to go on YouTube, Instagragm, Twitter, basically all of my social medias and just catch up on the world I guess. 

I also love to read, and the book I'm currently reading is 'Me and My Mate Jeffrey' - Niall Breslin (Bressie) - it's about dealing with anxiety and how he got through it! Definitely worth the read so far! 

Usually after my dinner I will have something to eat, today we had cake in the fridge. (And again I don't always eat this) It was soo nice. It had chocolate and strawberries in it.  

Literally tastes as good as it looks. 

Usually before we got to bed Ciara (my twin) and I usually have a YouTube marathon and watch loads of our favourite  YouTubers. We decided to have some popcorn while we were watching the videos. 

Was so nice! (I feel like most of my blog is food haha, that's my life summed up) 

After the YouTube marathon I just went to bed. I went to bed around twelve o'clock (which was really late). This was my day summed up really. I apologize if it was a really boring read. But if you've gotten this far down, thank you so so much! It means a lot! I hope you guys are having/had a great day! Bye x don't forget to follow my social medias: 

Lots of love, 

                   Fifi xx

Instagragm: @http.lookitsfifi

Twitter: @lookitsfifi

Snapchat: fifimc99

Ask.fm: fionamcnamara 

Exam stress & anxiety

Hello everybody, I hope you all had a great day.

Today I was sitting the second day of my Christmas exams (it's not Christmas I know, but junior & leaving cert students do theirs earlier) today we had history, maths & Irish. I thought history & irish were difficult. History is one of my favourite subjects I just love it. But as you guys know I barley studied  last week, so I had to make up the time this week.
I found the test difficult even though I studied during my week off, and yesterday from 6 to half 11 (yes I did have small breaks between that) and then this morning I studied 45 minutes. I really think I could have done much better in the test, I just got so confused with all the information that was in my head. Oh well.
Maths went okay (I'm really bad at maths so I'm in ordinary level, even at that I just about pass the tests) it was the easy stuff that we've done this year.
And as for Irish, I'm not really sure. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Tomorrow we have French, science and business. Which I am dreading so so much. I'm terrible at all of them.

I do after school study which runs from a quarter to four to half five, and I tried so hard to study. And I just got a really bad anxiety attack, it really was bad. French and science I'm not dreading too badly (still don't like them though) but business is why I had my anxiety attack.
I am so so bad at business. Not even going to lie, I don't know how to do the accounting at all, and it's really freaking me out. I fell behind in second year and was two scared to ask for help, and now I'm fucked. The theory is fine, I have no problem learning theory. It's just the accounting (which is no surprise it's related to maths) that really has me confused. I do try really hard, I just can never get it. And it always really upsets me. I tried to get my mind off of it because the last thing you need in supervised study is a panic attack.
I'm dreading tomorrow so much, I'll actually fail it.

After study when I got into the car I was still shacked from my panic attack, and briefly started crying. 

I just coudn't take the pressure from the tests. I have kept myself together for so long and it did just get  me, to a point where I coudn't take it anymore. When I was alone in my room I just coudn't stop the tears. I felt like I wasn't good enough, I felt that I wasn't trying hard enough and that I was going to fail. 

When I eventually stopped crying I tried to pull myself together again.

I am not the best in school not going to lie, I'm not one of those people who can study for fifteen minutes and be okay, when I study I have to study so hard, and even then I can still fail. It's literally like this with every subject. However, I do try my best. I really do. And you know what that is the main thing. I suppose there could be times where I should study more, and try more. I am so sick of coming home from school some days feeling like absolute shit. I am so tired of having school crush me into pieces, I'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night worrying if I'm going to fail a test. And I'm sick of this idea that you're only smart if you get good grades. I am not a straight A student (not even a B or C) but that does not mean I am not smart. I could be smart in other ways. And so could you. 

If you're going through exams the same as me, or even if you're not but are stressed about school. Just ask yourself: Am I trying my hardest? 

Set yourself goals, because no feeling beats the feeling of accomplishment when you pass a test on a subject you used to be failing (science for me). Nothing beats it, you will feel better mentally and physically. And it will encourage you to do that for other subjects as well. 

For me, I am really bad at dealing with stress in school. I cry (I'm a crier) at the slightest thing I get stressed over (it does help as well). 

I saw this photo on Facebook (I don't remember who posted it, so I can't show credit) but it really made me open my eyes about school and how much this education system is so fucked up. 

Don't get me wrong I love learning. But I hate learning in a sense that there is so much pressure you want to cry and break down. 

This picture is literally amazing, and I coudn't agree with it more. 

I just want to say if you're stressed and finding school difficult you're not alone. It may feel like you are because when you look around when you're doing a test, you can see everyone scribbling stuff down, when the teacher calls on someone in class and they get the answer right, and what you said in your head is wrong, you are not stupid. Everyone is good at something's and bad at another. It's just because we all have different flaws, but those are what makes us beautiful. 

Remember: you are trying, you are doing the best you can (if you think you can do better then gently encourage yourself, don't ever put too much pressure on yourself, it can sometimes just lead to you giving up) you are loved, and you are worth everything you have. 

Please remember this. 

I know most of my blogs are about more serious stuff, but really when ever I have a problem I feel that I can't be the only one who feels like this, and even if I help one person. That is this blog worth everything I've been putting into it. 

I hope this helped, I love you xx 

Instagram: @lookitsfifi (I changed it back)

Twitter: @lookitsfifi

Snapchat:fifimc99

Ask.fm: fionamcnamara 

Positive vibes

Hey everyone, I hope you're having a fantastic day, and if not remember you can change it by doing something you love doing.

My day has gone really well. I'm feeling very happy and relaxed. I'd love to be able to tell you that I studied, but that would be a lie. I really need to get a handle on things. Seriously.

Yesterday I went to a youthclub disco, and I'm not going to lie, I thought it was amazing! I have anxiety as most of you guys may know, so discos usually aren't a good idea. I would usually get so anxious that I can't breathe, and I would get so dizzy. And dancing would be completely out of the question, like no not going to happen haha.
This time I was with other people, that I felt so so comfortable around. And yes Fiona,who is not a good dancer, actually danced. Just let that sink in!! I wasn't very good mind you, but I honestly didn't care. Which is so weird for me. It was one of the best discos I've ever been to. I felt comfortable and was only anxious for the first fifteen minutes. At the end of the night I was shocked that I had actually gotten through the night with only one panic attack.

I do realise that since I am having a good day, that, that means that not everyone is.  So I just want to say if you're having a bad day, breathe. It's okay, remember the bad days make the good ones so much more special. What helps me when I am having a bad day is to listen to some of my favourite songs (not sad ones, no matter how much you want to listen to sad songs they will just make you feel worse) put on your favourite upbeat song. Seriously it does wonders. Exercise, I can't stress enough how good this actually is for bad days. When my heart feels heavy, I find it so good to go for a walk or to run. It seriously helps. So much. Also eating healthy food (I know how tempting it is to binge on chocolate etc) but food that is good for you will make you feel good trust me.

Bad days for me involve: overthinking, feeling that I'm not good enough, thinking of all the mistakes I've made and being really negative. If you're the same, I just want to say stop being so hard on yourself. It is natural for you to think you're doing wrong all the time, I think it's natural for us. (I'm not sure if some people don't think like this) but if you do, please relax. And remember you're trying your best. I know how horrible it feels, and honestly I woudn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Please remember there is only so much you can do, and believe in yourself. I know it's so much easier said than done. But it does get better, please remember that.

I know the majority of my blog posts are about dealing with bad days, and how to feel mentally better. And maybe that can get a bit depressing after a while (if it does I'm really sorry) I just can't bear the thought of someone feeling as horrible as I do sometimes. It is such a terrible feeling, and if I can help someone in any small way, that's literally made my day.

If any one of you guys ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, don't ever forget that. I love helping.
You can comment on my blogs if you would like, and I will help. (I'll try my best anyways). Or you can contact me on my social medias:
Ask.fm: fionamcnamara
Instagragm: http.lookitsfiona
Twitter : lookitsfifi
Snapchat: fifimc99

I hope this helped! Love you guys! And stay strong xx

Learning to love yourself and dealing with hurtful comments

Hello everyone, I hope you are having a good day.
I've been pretty unproductive today not going to lie. This studying is seriously not working out!!!
I will get it under control (eventually).

This morning when I woke up, I checked my social medias as per usual. I went  onto ask.fm (my name on there is Fiona McNamara if you want to ask me some questions) and I had gotten a question (well more of a statement) that said 'You're ugly with and without makeup, and seriously do something about your eyebrows'. I'm not going to sit here and say it didn't hurt me, because honestly it did. A lot of people ask me, why do you keep ask.fm if you get hate, I always say that I keep it if some people need advice and are too shy to ask on messenger or whatever. I'm fine with the hate most of the time cuz it only makes me stronger. And I hope that it inspires people not to get down because of haters. 

I didn't answer the question because I didn't want the person who wrote it to get that satisfaction.  Before I did my makeup this morning I took a selfie (I don't wear makeup every day but it so happened that I was going somewhere) and after I was finished my makeup I took another selfie. I used pic collage to put the two photos beside each other, and honestly I was quite a shocked. I do look a lot different. I have very pale, sensitive and dry skin (and very freckled as well) so when I do go to town or whatever I do like covering it with a foundation. 

When I looked at the comparison between the two photos, what that person had said I started to believe. Besides the fact that they are both very bad pictures I started listening to what the person had said. I began to feel really self conscious. 

I felt really hurt and ugly. 

I then thought, if that person was expecting me to look just as good without makeup as I do with makeup they were really kidding themselves. I have never looked at a girl and said 'wow she looks terrible without makeup'. Because in my opinion makeup enhances what you've already got (I'm not calling myself pretty or anything). I am a very self conscious person, and even if someone says my makeup is too dark I worry (I have really pale skin so it's hard to find a foundation that matches) if someone says something negative about me I start to believe it very quickly amd it really gets me down. But I'm not going to let this get me down. Why should this person have a right to put me down about how I look.

 So just try to love how you look, with and without makeup (because you're beautiful with both, no matter what people say).If you're a boy that's reading this I know makeup isn't the best example of it for you (if you're a boy and wears makeup, good for you! I'm not trying to insult you if you do) but for you too, don't ever let people try and let you down over how you look.

 I don't wear makeup to school (bar mascara sometimes) just because I try and give my skin a break, and because it takes way too long. I know a lot of girls who do wear makeup to school, and if you feel comfortable in it then by all means do so! And don't let someome tell you not to! And if you're someone that doesn't wear makeup to school, good for you too! Do you, and do what you feel comfortable with. 

I'm so sick of society telling girls that they always have to look good, and that their eyebrows always have to be 'on fleek'. As you can see I have really thick and dark eyebrows. They are so so hard to mentain, like seriously. The amount of shit I get over them is redicilous. Why can't people just he accepting. Like it's my body, no one else's business. And the same goes for you, if someone is bullying  you about something got to do with your body, (or in general) and you happen to like it. Don't change for them. Chances are they could be jealous. (I'm not saying people are jealous over my eyebrows, they definitely aren't anyway) If you feel comfortable with something keep it. 

I'll stop ranting now, sorry! Anyway moral of the blog: be confident in who you are. 

I love you all, stay strong & confident! Xx

Instagragm: @ lookitsfiona 

Twitter @ lookitsfifi 

Snapchat: fifimc99

Ask.fm: fionamcnamara 

Self praise & anxiety

Hey guys! How are you? I hope you're well ☺️
My day was calm.

I know I've only briefly talked about my anxiety, but I've decided to go a little bit more in debth about it.

I have social anxiety, which is basically where you get anxious in social situations such as, school (if your asked a question and have to speak infront of people) . If you're In a shop (asking for help and loads of others)

Today at school I do after school study, which is supervised. So basically you sit in a room for an hour and a half with other pople and do your homework, basically. Today the supervisor asked me if I would leave study for a few minutes and get her something from the printer in the office. My heart literally fell, and my anxiety became a 1 to a 10 in the space of a few seconds.

What really scared me was the fact that I would have to get up infront of everyone and leave and then come back. This is one of my worst fear ever. (If you have anxiety you'll know exactly what I'm talking about).

I surprised myself. I confidently walked out (my heart was still beating) and asked for the papers from the photocopier! I walked back in and handed her the sheets and sat down again. I literally could feel everyone's eyes glaring on me. It was one of the worst feelings ever!! But I was so so proud of myself, I has done something that had been my worst fear ever since I started after school study 2 years ago!

When I sat back in my seat, the feeling of accomplishment was so great! I don't think I've ever been more proud of myself (I don't mean to sound vain or arrogant, it's just this doesn't happen a lot)

So basically what I am going to say is, if there is something you are absolutely terrified to do, I know how you feel. But you can do it. Trust me it's terrifying but that feeling of accomplishment is so worth it! And you can do it! Believe in yourself!

I just wanted to share that, just incase it would help any of you! And if it did I'm glad!

I have a history test, so I should probably go study! Thanks for reading this (if you've gotten this far, thank you)
And please leave a comment if you want, or you can contact me on my social medias! Thank you!
Ps. I've noticed that on a few of my other blogs there is grammar, and spelling mistakes, I'm very sorry.  I'll be more careful. Love you x

Instagragm: @http.lookitsfifi
Snapchat: fifimc99
Twitter: @lookitsfifi @fiona788
Ask.fm : fionamcnamara