Festive rendezvous

Hey lovelies! How are you all? I hope you're having a fantastic day, and if not remember you can always do something to change it! 

I feel like this is going to be a really long blog.. Because I have so much to tell you all! I feel like I haven't blogged in a really long time, when in fact it hasn't even been a week since my last blog post! 

Today was a very rushed day, Ciara my twin and my mom just went into town and got some last minute christmas gifts! Before I go into that I have loads to tell you... 

Right, I have been quite reluctant to blog again because I got a few negative comments about my last blog post which I'm not going to go into much detail about. I heard some of it behind my back, and then I got a few on ask.fm. And I'm not going to lie, I thought if I ever got hate I would be fine and just accept it and move on. However that wasn't the case, I felt like my heart had been crushed into a thousand pieces. Because it may not seem like it but I'm actually a really sensitive person, and the slightest negative comment about me I just get really upset about (which I hate). The funny thing is if someone comes to me for advice about getting  negative comments I just say to them to try and keep their head up and remember that the person is just jealous. That is soooo much easier said than done if I'm being honest. I crumbled. Basically I came so close to hitting the delete button on this, but thankfully because I have such amazing friends and family that are so amazing and supportive they persuaded me not to delete it. Which now I am so glad I didn't. I may be the worst blogger ever and really annoying and over reactive and stuff but I really do like blogging, so that's what imma do! My friends and family are so amazing! 

I just want to say, if you are doing something you love doing and some people are unsupportive of it, just tell them to go fuck themselves. It's your life, live it for you not them. Because you should never stop doing the things you love because of what some people think! 

Also I woke up this morning discovering that my blog had hit 2,000 views! Which is so crazy! Thank you to everyone who is so supportive and looks at it thank you!!! Originally when I started this blog I did not think anyone would look at it, but surprisingly people actually have! And it means the world!

My day today has been very busy! Is it just me ladies or after doing your makeup in the morning does your room look like a bomb has hit it! I sit on the floor and do it infront of my mirror so the floor literally looks like this... 

Everything ends up everywhere! (My room currently looks like this still...) 

Also my makeup was so rushed today that I didn't even apply mascara, which is a shocker as that's one of the first things I apply! I did my foundation in like two minutes! Which is really bad I know. 

Basically Ciara, Mom  and I went shopping!! I didn't buy any clothes because I didn't see anything I liked. And anyone who goes to Ennis frequently will know that there is practically nothing for teenagers bar Penneys (Primark) and DV8 (which I only like a few things in). Ciara got some really nice clothes! 

Ciara and I then went shopping just to get some last minute gifts. For anyone who watches Zoella's videos on YouTube you may know that she raves about rimmel 107 lipstick a lot! So I decided to see what it was like and got it! 

I think the packaging is so cute! 

Ignore my nails please.. 

It looks more pinkish in this photo than it actually is, I'm terrible at describing things but I would say it's a light berry colour! Can I just say I'm so glad I bought it! It is so pretty! However one thing I would say is it dries like a bitch! But I can get over that! 

I got this photo from Zoe's instagragm where she is wearing it! Can we all just take a moment to take in how stunning she is!!  

We then went to SuperMac's and had some dinner! It was actually really nice! And the woman at the till was so lovely, it's always such a bonus to have a nice sales assistant it really makes everything so much better! I hate having some who is so rude because then I feel terrible after wards! 

We then headed for home. I had a cheeky little treat... 

SOO good. 

We then started wrapping the gifts! And when I say I wrapped, I just stayed on snapchat (fifimc99) while Ciara did the wrapping.. Guilty. I did wrap at last four things and they turned out terrible. I love wrapping so much (even though I'm so bad at it) because it just feel so Christmassy and of course me being me the Christmas music was blaring!! 

This is how everything turned out. You can also see how amazingly wrapped everything is.... 

Some of you may not know what Ciara looks like, so here you go! I know we're so alike.... Add me on snapchat if you haven't already (fifimc99) 

And honestly that was pretty much my day in a nutshell! I love those chill days where you can just relax and have fun! Especially in the build up to christmas! Even though I should be studying because I have my mocks after January.. Which I am so scared and screwed for. 

I have been in such a good mood today! However I do think I'm coming down with something because it was so so cold today! I feel really chatty... Which is never a good thing. I am literally so excited for Christmas! 

If you have read this far down, thank you!!! Hope to see you again soon! 

Byeee love you lots,  

                               Fiona x

Instagragm: @http.lookitsfifi

Snapchat: fifimc99

Ask.fm/ : fionamcnamara 

Twitter :lookitsfifi 

Mental breakdowns & how to overcome them

Hello lovelies, how are you all? I hope you're having a  great day and if not remember you can change it! 

As you can tell by my title this is about mental breakdowns and my tips. Honestly it is a really deep topic, and I am sorry! I just felt that this needed to be talked about I did want to give my opinions about it. I know most of my topics in this are quite deep, and I am aware that this is another deep blog, but I am going to try and make this motivational! 

This is something I am actually quite nervous to talk about, I'm not sure if I'm going to post it or not. And if I do, I really hope it helps! 

On Wednesday the 2nd of December (two days ago basically) I experienced something that I had never really.. Experienced before. It was so terrifying.

 I came home from school as normal (I didn't do supervised study) and up until then my day was actually going good, I was happy. However, it didn't last for long. I remember having quite a lot of study to do, and some homework I was finding quite difficult. I was also feeling very sick, my stomach was sore and I had a headache. I remember sitting down to do my English homework and this wave of anxiety washed over me. I started getting really nervous and I started shaking. I didn't realise how nervous and terrified I was for my exams in June until that moment. I started crying, and I coudn't stop. (I'm not going to go into too much detail about this because I don't want this to be very depressing). I tried so hard to do my homework and I just cried again and again. Eventually it was nine o'clock (I started my homework at half five) and I still hadn't even finished my English homework. I was so so anxious and I was freaking out. I asked my guardians for a note to excuse me from my homework for that night and thankfully they wrote the note. 

I don't think I have ever, experienced something so terrifying and so draining. It was so awful, thankfully I don't experiance this often, I do get panic attacks quite frequently and they had nothing on what I had just experienced. (Of course in having said that panic attacks are still terrifying).  

I can't remember ever feeling so down, sad and alone in a really long time. And all of this because of school? 

If some of you know me in person you'll know that I worry about everything literally!! I am what, four months in school and already am so mentally and physically drained from it. This doesn't even motivate me to study, it motivates me to sleep! I am trying my best, but it's so hard when you get so much homework and then are expected to study! 

I think the reason I completly broke down is because since I have started school I've been so worried and haven't really talked to anyone about it. So I have bottled it all in! Which is never ever good. 

Literally can relate to this so much!!! 

Apart of me feels that this is going to last right before my exams (and probably get worse). I really don't know how long I can deal with this, as I've said already it is so mentally and physically draining. I am not going to end this like this, I am going to give some of my tips (that seem to work for me)! 

TIPS:

1. Acknowledgement. Acknowledge what you are feeling, do not ignore it. (It makes it worse).

2. Relax. Breathe. Remember in for 10 and out for 10 and do this until you start to feel so much more relaxed. 

3. Do not be afraid to cry! Crying actually helps so much, it lets out emotion that possibly has been trapped for ages. (Let it gooooo) 

4. Talk to someone! This is so important! If you're like me and keeps everything bottled in, tell someone you trust it helps so much! As they say 'a problem shared is a problem halved' 

5. Do something you love doing, something that relaxes you! No matter what it is! For me it's photography and watching YouTube! And even writing this blog! This helps me so much! Do what you love doing! 

For me this breakdown happened because of school. And I get so mad at myself when I let school be the reason for my anxiety and tears. It really annoys me. I'm stressed all the time in school! I will put on a brave face but deep down, I'm not doing good! 

If you're like me and finding school really difficult, remember that as long as you're doing your best that is all that matters! Please don't be like me and compare your results to anyone else's! Even when people are like 'what did you get' if you don't want to tell them you don't have to! I used to tell everyone that asked what I got, whereas now I'll only tell like three people because to me my results are private. 

This is very deep, and kind of sad! But sadly I can relate to this :/ ps (anyone else sing this) 

Decided to end this on a lighthearted note! Stay strong x 

I really hope this has helped you! This was very difficult for me to write, as of course it is very personal! But if I can help even one of you reading this, this makes everything worth it! If you've got this far thank you for reading! Hope you enjoyed! (I'm going to try and start writing more light heart stuff as well, don't worry). I love you all so much,

  Lots of love,

                   Fiona x 

Instagram: @http.lookitsfifi

Snapchat: fifimc99 (I accept everyone) 

Twitter: @lookitsfifi

Ask.fm: fionamcnamara (you can ask me anything and I'll answer) 

My typical stay at home Saturday

Hello lovelies! ! How are you all? I hope you're having a fantastic day, and if not remember you can change it, by doing the things you love!

I decided that blog would be a what my typical stay at home Saturday is! Of course not all of my Saturdays are like this, but this was actually a really lovely day. This blog will be going up on Sunday because of course I'll have to edit it! 

For the past two months I have been picking different quotes each week, to try and help me stay positive and motivated. I put the quote in my school journal just incase it gets a bit too much at times. 

This is the quote I'm using this week! 

I woke up at half last eight this morning, yes it is a Saturday.  I was shocked, because usually I get up around eleven or twelve. 

 My bed sheets & pillow 

For deodorant I use : sure motion sense: bright bouquet (I lost the top cap for it lol) 

This is so good! Lasts all day and smells amazing! 

  My favourite fragrance is Zoella Let's Spritz! I love it so much, it smells so good and lasts all day! I love it! (Also please ignore my nails, we don't have any nail polish remover at the moment) 

I had waffles for breakfast which of course I don't have everyday! I just thought today I would! Actually in food terms I actually have eaten a lot of unhealthy things today! oh well! 

From my snapchat fifimc99 

 With that being said I was so productive which is so weird for me.

I decided to go for a walk and take a few photos for my instagragm. Literally no sooner as I had my scarf, hat & coat on it started to rain. Literally hailstone. Thankfully it stopped after fifteen minutes so I went again. I was really disappointed in my self, I live in a really rural area (the middle of nowhere to be honest) and amn't used of that many cars passing. And I was wearing a old track suit pants, a coat and a beanie and I got really self conscious and anxious, and when I saw the two cars I got really anxious. I didn't want them to see me, I got quite breathless really quickly. Thankfully they didn't pass me, so I just walked back home.

We have a really beautiful garden (curtesy of my mom) with the most beautiful flowers in it so that is usually where I get most of my instagragm photos from. If you follow my instagragm (@http.lookitsfifi) you would have seen today's Instagram post! If you're not on there I'll show you now ;)

 (http.lookitsfifi. Go like ;) )

Not to blow my own trumpet but I'm actually so proud of this picture, it just looks so effortless and beautiful. 

After this I washed my face and brushed my teeth! For my face I use Simple oil balancing exfoliating wash (yes I know, I have dry skin, I picked up the wrong one but it works anyways) I actually really like it including the fact that I have dry skin and I'm pretty sure this is for oily skin it is actually really nice, and manages to keep my skin mostly spot free! Overall actually I love the brand Simple. 

 My face wash  

 Toothpaste & toothbrush (please excuse how dirty my toothbrush is it's literally dried toothpaste)

I have really sensitive teeth and I think overall Colgate toothpastes are really good for my teeth, they keep them clean, white and freash (which of course is what a toothpaste does). 

Due to the fact that I have dry skin, mouisterising is soooo important. So again staying with the brand Simple (I love it) 

 Just a simple kind to skin hydrating light moisturiser. It is so good, it leaves my skin feeling so fresh and soft and my dry patches just disappear! Highly recommend it if you have dry skin! 

On the weekends (if I am just staying at home, and going no where else) I don't wear makeup because I like to give my skin a break and to be fresh faced. I don't wear face makeup to school anyways. All I wear is mascara (maybelline lash sensational). I took a selfie today! Please take no notice of my eyebrows I'm going to pluck them tomorrow! 

I found this scarf in my room, and I'm in love. Nomakeup/filter.

 I don't even know why I smile without my teeth because it doesn't suit me. Oh well ahaha. Also the scarf doesn't suit me like this but oh well.

On the weekends I love putting on nice clothes like jumper and stuff on and then just wearing a track suit bottom just to look nice and feel comfortable lol. Of course that's just when I'm in the house if I'm going somewhere I'll put on jeans. 

 I got my black jumper at new look (around this time last year actually) and it's one of my go to jumpers I seriously am addicted. This scarf I found in my wardrobe, it says that it's Irish woven on it, so it's somewhere from Ireland. I really like the colors on it. You can actually see my grey track suit bottoms as well. I tried to hide them,but obhiously not well enough. 

Literally so comfortable 

If you've been reading my blog for a while now you may know how lazy I am when it comes to school work and homework. Well today I was actually really productive which is crazy. I really think the waking up at half eight really helped me. I was so motivated and happy and actually wanted to do my homework. I started around a quarter to one, and didn't finish until half six! Of course I took breaks in between that for dinner and bathroom breaks and stuff, but I really had so much homework. And a test to study for. 

 I took a photo when I was doing my English homework. This is usually how I would set up my table for my homework/study. On the left I have my exam papers (all exam years have exam papers, for revision). Then I have my 'The merchant of Venice' play that has study notes in it (which is so helpful). I also really love this play, maybe because I love English, I don't know I just love it. Then of course I have my copy, where I just write my answers/notes. 

When my friend went to Paris like two months ago she bought me a little statue of the Eiffel Tower which was so kind, so I put it on my desk. Also it allows me to think of the people who have died in Paris. Beside this I have a fish cup which just has my pens and stuff. I got this in a aquarium in Wicklow a few years ago. Then I have my sticky notes for revision. 

I have my homework journal (filled with piles of homework of course) and my pencil case. 

On my study/homework breaks I usually have a healthier snack, but today I had 'Taytos' because we had them in the house and I coudn't resist. If you're Irish and have had them you'll know what I mean, or actually if you've ever tasted them! They are sooo good! I took the break before I started my business homework. 

On my wall I just have a sticky note that says 'by failing to prepare, you're preparing to fail' (just Incase you can't read my writing, loads of people can't lol). This just helps me keep motivated to study and do the best that I can. 

This just keeps me motivated. 

I took a break from studying and had dinner. I had chips and spicy chicken. Once again of course I don't have this all the time. It's just today my twin was cooking and this is what she made. 

From my snapchat fifimc99 

I didn't finish my homework until a quarter to seven (my English essay legit took 2 hours). After I was finished I was so happy to have everything done, of course I have a science test that I'll have to study for tomorrow. 

After I finish studying/homework I love to go on YouTube, Instagragm, Twitter, basically all of my social medias and just catch up on the world I guess. 

I also love to read, and the book I'm currently reading is 'Me and My Mate Jeffrey' - Niall Breslin (Bressie) - it's about dealing with anxiety and how he got through it! Definitely worth the read so far! 

Usually after my dinner I will have something to eat, today we had cake in the fridge. (And again I don't always eat this) It was soo nice. It had chocolate and strawberries in it.  

Literally tastes as good as it looks. 

Usually before we got to bed Ciara (my twin) and I usually have a YouTube marathon and watch loads of our favourite  YouTubers. We decided to have some popcorn while we were watching the videos. 

Was so nice! (I feel like most of my blog is food haha, that's my life summed up) 

After the YouTube marathon I just went to bed. I went to bed around twelve o'clock (which was really late). This was my day summed up really. I apologize if it was a really boring read. But if you've gotten this far down, thank you so so much! It means a lot! I hope you guys are having/had a great day! Bye x don't forget to follow my social medias: 

Lots of love, 

                   Fifi xx

Instagragm: @http.lookitsfifi

Twitter: @lookitsfifi

Snapchat: fifimc99

Ask.fm: fionamcnamara 

Exam stress & anxiety

Hello everybody, I hope you all had a great day.

Today I was sitting the second day of my Christmas exams (it's not Christmas I know, but junior & leaving cert students do theirs earlier) today we had history, maths & Irish. I thought history & irish were difficult. History is one of my favourite subjects I just love it. But as you guys know I barley studied  last week, so I had to make up the time this week.
I found the test difficult even though I studied during my week off, and yesterday from 6 to half 11 (yes I did have small breaks between that) and then this morning I studied 45 minutes. I really think I could have done much better in the test, I just got so confused with all the information that was in my head. Oh well.
Maths went okay (I'm really bad at maths so I'm in ordinary level, even at that I just about pass the tests) it was the easy stuff that we've done this year.
And as for Irish, I'm not really sure. I guess I'll have to wait and see.
Tomorrow we have French, science and business. Which I am dreading so so much. I'm terrible at all of them.

I do after school study which runs from a quarter to four to half five, and I tried so hard to study. And I just got a really bad anxiety attack, it really was bad. French and science I'm not dreading too badly (still don't like them though) but business is why I had my anxiety attack.
I am so so bad at business. Not even going to lie, I don't know how to do the accounting at all, and it's really freaking me out. I fell behind in second year and was two scared to ask for help, and now I'm fucked. The theory is fine, I have no problem learning theory. It's just the accounting (which is no surprise it's related to maths) that really has me confused. I do try really hard, I just can never get it. And it always really upsets me. I tried to get my mind off of it because the last thing you need in supervised study is a panic attack.
I'm dreading tomorrow so much, I'll actually fail it.

After study when I got into the car I was still shacked from my panic attack, and briefly started crying. 

I just coudn't take the pressure from the tests. I have kept myself together for so long and it did just get  me, to a point where I coudn't take it anymore. When I was alone in my room I just coudn't stop the tears. I felt like I wasn't good enough, I felt that I wasn't trying hard enough and that I was going to fail. 

When I eventually stopped crying I tried to pull myself together again.

I am not the best in school not going to lie, I'm not one of those people who can study for fifteen minutes and be okay, when I study I have to study so hard, and even then I can still fail. It's literally like this with every subject. However, I do try my best. I really do. And you know what that is the main thing. I suppose there could be times where I should study more, and try more. I am so sick of coming home from school some days feeling like absolute shit. I am so tired of having school crush me into pieces, I'm sick of waking up in the middle of the night worrying if I'm going to fail a test. And I'm sick of this idea that you're only smart if you get good grades. I am not a straight A student (not even a B or C) but that does not mean I am not smart. I could be smart in other ways. And so could you. 

If you're going through exams the same as me, or even if you're not but are stressed about school. Just ask yourself: Am I trying my hardest? 

Set yourself goals, because no feeling beats the feeling of accomplishment when you pass a test on a subject you used to be failing (science for me). Nothing beats it, you will feel better mentally and physically. And it will encourage you to do that for other subjects as well. 

For me, I am really bad at dealing with stress in school. I cry (I'm a crier) at the slightest thing I get stressed over (it does help as well). 

I saw this photo on Facebook (I don't remember who posted it, so I can't show credit) but it really made me open my eyes about school and how much this education system is so fucked up. 

Don't get me wrong I love learning. But I hate learning in a sense that there is so much pressure you want to cry and break down. 

This picture is literally amazing, and I coudn't agree with it more. 

I just want to say if you're stressed and finding school difficult you're not alone. It may feel like you are because when you look around when you're doing a test, you can see everyone scribbling stuff down, when the teacher calls on someone in class and they get the answer right, and what you said in your head is wrong, you are not stupid. Everyone is good at something's and bad at another. It's just because we all have different flaws, but those are what makes us beautiful. 

Remember: you are trying, you are doing the best you can (if you think you can do better then gently encourage yourself, don't ever put too much pressure on yourself, it can sometimes just lead to you giving up) you are loved, and you are worth everything you have. 

Please remember this. 

I know most of my blogs are about more serious stuff, but really when ever I have a problem I feel that I can't be the only one who feels like this, and even if I help one person. That is this blog worth everything I've been putting into it. 

I hope this helped, I love you xx 

Instagram: @lookitsfifi (I changed it back)

Twitter: @lookitsfifi

Snapchat:fifimc99

Ask.fm: fionamcnamara 

Positive vibes

Hey everyone, I hope you're having a fantastic day, and if not remember you can change it by doing something you love doing.

My day has gone really well. I'm feeling very happy and relaxed. I'd love to be able to tell you that I studied, but that would be a lie. I really need to get a handle on things. Seriously.

Yesterday I went to a youthclub disco, and I'm not going to lie, I thought it was amazing! I have anxiety as most of you guys may know, so discos usually aren't a good idea. I would usually get so anxious that I can't breathe, and I would get so dizzy. And dancing would be completely out of the question, like no not going to happen haha.
This time I was with other people, that I felt so so comfortable around. And yes Fiona,who is not a good dancer, actually danced. Just let that sink in!! I wasn't very good mind you, but I honestly didn't care. Which is so weird for me. It was one of the best discos I've ever been to. I felt comfortable and was only anxious for the first fifteen minutes. At the end of the night I was shocked that I had actually gotten through the night with only one panic attack.

I do realise that since I am having a good day, that, that means that not everyone is.  So I just want to say if you're having a bad day, breathe. It's okay, remember the bad days make the good ones so much more special. What helps me when I am having a bad day is to listen to some of my favourite songs (not sad ones, no matter how much you want to listen to sad songs they will just make you feel worse) put on your favourite upbeat song. Seriously it does wonders. Exercise, I can't stress enough how good this actually is for bad days. When my heart feels heavy, I find it so good to go for a walk or to run. It seriously helps. So much. Also eating healthy food (I know how tempting it is to binge on chocolate etc) but food that is good for you will make you feel good trust me.

Bad days for me involve: overthinking, feeling that I'm not good enough, thinking of all the mistakes I've made and being really negative. If you're the same, I just want to say stop being so hard on yourself. It is natural for you to think you're doing wrong all the time, I think it's natural for us. (I'm not sure if some people don't think like this) but if you do, please relax. And remember you're trying your best. I know how horrible it feels, and honestly I woudn't wish it on my worst enemy.
Please remember there is only so much you can do, and believe in yourself. I know it's so much easier said than done. But it does get better, please remember that.

I know the majority of my blog posts are about dealing with bad days, and how to feel mentally better. And maybe that can get a bit depressing after a while (if it does I'm really sorry) I just can't bear the thought of someone feeling as horrible as I do sometimes. It is such a terrible feeling, and if I can help someone in any small way, that's literally made my day.

If any one of you guys ever need someone to talk to, you can talk to me, don't ever forget that. I love helping.
You can comment on my blogs if you would like, and I will help. (I'll try my best anyways). Or you can contact me on my social medias:
Ask.fm: fionamcnamara
Instagragm: http.lookitsfiona
Twitter : lookitsfifi
Snapchat: fifimc99

I hope this helped! Love you guys! And stay strong xx