Sunday, 7 August 2016
It's Been A While
Hey there, I have a lot of explaining to do. It's been well over a month since my last blog post. After my exams finished I promised myself that my blog would be so active (maybe even a post twice a week). The truth is I haven't really been feeling great this past month. I actually have a YouTube video describing some of this (how crazy does that sound to say haha)
It is called Emotional Chit-Chat (I will get more into my YouTube Channel later).
After my exams I went through a week of pure happiness, I was so happy that the Junior Cert was over and I could finally put that shit behind me (dreading the results though haha) I really had such a good week after the exams, however the second week everything just seemed to hit me. When you're waiting for exams all year, I found that I didn't really have time to be sad or to overthink and let my thoughts get to me. I was so busy with school and worrying about exams my thoughts were just about exams.. So being off school and not having exams meant that I now had time for the negative thoughts to hit me, which no surprise they did.
I've just started my YouTube channel a month ago, and to me my video quality isn't great. I don't have the best camera, or I don't have an editing software (the struggle is real) so I just felt like I wasn't good enough. I compared myself to people like Zoella,and Eve Bennett and comparing yourself to other people is never ever a good thing. Like I've just started of course I'm not going to be as good as them, they've had years of experience. However, I'm still not pleased with it then my worrying came onto this Blog, I started comparing myself to other Blogger's. A few of my favorite Blogger's are Zoella, Tanya Burr, Poppy Deyes and Hello Holly ( her blog and YouTube channel are so amazing, and she's Irish!! She's so talented and lovely! Highly recommend that you check her out) all of they're blogs look and are so incredible. I got too bogged down over how professional my blog should look.. Whereas honestly I am just an amateur, I have just started and at the end of the content is so much more important than how it looks. I started a blog not to be a professional I started it to get my thoughts out and to do what made me happy.
The reason I started this Blog is because I really was interested in blogs and how they connected with people. I love reading blogs and thought I might as well get started and try it. It was one of the best things I have done this year, it was so much fun and I was so excited to get to write a post every week. After my last post which was Anxiety & School, everything started to go downhill. I was more scarred of putting myself out there I was terrified of what people would think, I was self conscious and it wasn't nice. I wasn't excited to post a new blog post.. I did write some but was so unhappy with them that I didn't post them. My blog may not look like Zoe's hers is so incredible, but mine is still me to a T.Everything I post I want to post, and feel passionate about. I am doing something that makes me feel happy. I started YouTube because I've been interested in it for so long, I really wanted to see what it was like. I have three videos over there, which actually turned out so much better than I thought. They're not amazing or anything. Knowing that strangers can see my videos and even people I know gives me such anxiety, however also knowing that people I don't know are subscribing to me.. and commenting on my videos and even some other YouTubers are talking to me is such a weird and amazing feeling. The support has been amazing.
I got myself so invested into what people would think about me that I didn't want to make another post the overthinking sucks so bad. One friend once told me 'without critics you'll likely have no success'. If you're doing what makes you happy fuck what other people think. If someone has the time to be looking into what other people are doing.. and is hating on that person because they are getting their self out there that clearly means that, that person is jealous and has nothing better to be doing. How sad is it for some people to take the piss out of someone for doing what makes them happy? It's so sad. If you're not doing what you love because you're too scared of what people think, try and remember that 'without critics you'll likely have no success'. Your idol has dealt with hate at some stage of their life. However they are still doing their thing. You do you. As easy as it is to give advice to people about being strong and to try and do what they love it is very hard to actually take that on board myself. I just try and remember that every struggle I go through is a step closer to getting to where I want to be. There will be storms but they will clear up and the sun will come through. This process is like a circuit it happens again and again, but each time you get stronger. There will be some downfalls but you can get through them and you can get up again.
Life is like falling off a bike, you get up and try and tackle life again. Do what makes you happy. Love you x