I've been going through alot of stuff lately, like I don't even know how to describe it, which is a great start, good job Fiona. This is probably the most rambly and un-organised blog post you're going to see but lets just get into it.
So for the past few months I want to say, I haven't been feeling myself, I've found that I've been getting quite emotional and easily over-whelmed. I want to blame school, because I'm not going to lie I didn't do that well in my mocks and it has been affecting me alot, but there has been more than school affecting me. I've been quite hard on myself which is something I never thought I would say.
Like everyone I'm sure, I have these days where I feel like I'm on top of the world and nothing will get me down and then on the other hand I can feel like I'm the worst person in the world, and everything and anything will get to me. I overthink to the point where I second-guess everything. At these times it hits me so hard and I find it difficult to find a way to cope. These are the times I push everyone who could possibly care about me away because I don't want them to get hurt and I don't want them to know what I'm going through. I find getting close to someone so difficult, if I don't know you that well and you talk to me I'll be as nice as I can be, and I'll seem friendly but as for getting close to someone I find it so difficult. But that's just me there isn't much I can do about it. It's just the way it is.
There are certain things I do, and I'm just like girl whyyyyy, but reality is we all do things that we don't understand. I am not close to finding out who I am, like everyday my image of myself changes, some days I think I'm slaying and other days not even close. I feel like alot of people don't find who they are until later stages in life, and if you already know who you are and what you want to do, I applaud and envy you.
For me, getting my thoughts onto a page or onto a blog post is very difficult. Everything has been going so quickly and it is quite terrifying not going to lie. Especially with school, unfortunately I'm not that smart at allllll so I've finding it so difficult and finding motivation when you feel so... stressed out is a nightmare.
I feel so overwhelmed. Everything is speeding past and I'm stuck in a place I don't want to be. I hate making everything so negative I'm sorry. This is actually so difficult to describe. I'm just so uncertain with everything and it is getting to me. I just wanted to post this not so people would feel sympathy for me because I don't care about that, I wanted to post this because if anyone is feeling uncertain with their life, or if they feel like me or even if they don't feel like me but are going through something, that you're never alone ever.
Everybody goes through stuff I never compare someones pain to somebody eles's. It REALLY annoys me when someone says "you can't be sad because so many more people have it worse than you". Like let me just breathe............... pheww. YOUR FEELINGS ARE VALID. If you want to cry because someone ate the last chocolate biscuit, girl (or boy soz) you cry. Have you ever heard someone say "you can't be happy because other people are happier than you"? Exactly. You do you. You feel the way you want. I'm okay with you feeling what ever emotion you want, but I'm not okay with you being too hard on yourself.
I just want to say if you're going through a tough time, you CAN do this. This may sound cringe for people who don't like the motivational stuff (deep down I know you do, your secret is out). I'm one of those people when things get tough I'm just like crappp what am I going to do, and to me everything just couldn't be worse. Afterwards, I'm just like why did you even worry about something so small. Like I said of course our feelings are valid, but don't ever miss the bigger picture. You can do this, and you will! Like, if I can do this ANYONE can. Find something you feel passionate about, if you asked me a year ago if I would have had my own blog and might be trying YouTube I would have laughed at you. I was so scared of peoples opinions of me I didn't do anything. Now I still care what people think, I'm not a sporty girl, I'm not interested in Music (enough to go into it) but blogging is something I love. I'm so happy I started it. It was scary, I was terrified of what people would think/say but I'm delighted.
'If your dream doesn't scare you, it isn't big enough!!'Do the things that give you a rush of excitement (like when Tyler Oakley liked my tweet on TWITTTER LASTNIGHT FOR THE SECOND TIME my heart is still racing not gonna lie) and something that makes you feel like you're finally doing something you can't get enough of.
That's enough of me rambling for one day, I hope this helped. I love you.
Lots of love,