It's Been A While

Hey there, I have a lot of explaining to do. It's been well over a month since my last blog post. After my exams finished I promised myself that my blog would be so active (maybe even a post twice a week). The truth is I haven't really been feeling great this past month. I actually have a YouTube video describing some of this (how crazy does that sound to say haha)
It is called Emotional Chit-Chat (I will get more into my YouTube Channel later).

After my exams I went through a week of pure happiness, I was so happy that the Junior Cert was over and I could finally put that shit behind me (dreading the results though haha) I really had such a good week after the exams, however the second week everything just seemed to hit me. When you're waiting for exams all year, I found that I didn't really have time to be sad or to overthink and let my thoughts get to me. I was so busy with school and worrying about exams my thoughts were just about exams.. So being off school and not having exams meant that I now had time for the negative thoughts to hit me, which no surprise they did.

 I've just started my YouTube channel a month ago, and to me my video quality isn't great. I don't have the best camera, or I don't have an editing software (the struggle is real) so I just felt like I wasn't good enough. I compared myself to people like Zoella,and Eve Bennett and comparing yourself to other people is never ever a good thing. Like I've just started of course I'm not going to be as good as them, they've had years of experience. However, I'm still not pleased with it then my worrying came onto this Blog, I started comparing myself to other Blogger's. A few of my favorite Blogger's are Zoella, Tanya Burr, Poppy Deyes and Hello Holly ( her blog and YouTube channel are so amazing, and she's Irish!! She's so talented and lovely! Highly recommend that you check her out) all of they're blogs look and are so incredible. I got too bogged down over how professional my blog should look.. Whereas honestly I am just an amateur, I have just started and at the end of the content is so much more important than how it looks. I started a blog not to be a professional I started it to get my thoughts out and to do what made me happy.

The reason I started this Blog is because I really was interested in blogs and how they connected with people. I love reading blogs and thought I might as well get started and try it. It was one of the best things I have done this year, it was so much fun and I was so excited to get to write a post every week. After my last post which was Anxiety & School, everything started to go downhill. I was more scarred of putting myself out there I was terrified of what people would think, I was self conscious and it wasn't nice. I wasn't excited to post a new blog post.. I did write some but was so unhappy with them that I didn't post them. My blog may not look like Zoe's hers is so incredible, but mine is still me to a T.Everything I post I want to post, and feel passionate about. I am doing something that makes me feel happy. I started YouTube because I've been interested in it for so long, I really wanted to see what it was like. I have three videos over there, which actually turned out so much better than I thought. They're not amazing or anything. Knowing that strangers can see my videos and even people I know gives me such anxiety, however also knowing that people I don't know are subscribing to me.. and commenting on my videos and even some other YouTubers are talking to me is such a weird and amazing feeling. The support has been amazing.

I got myself so invested into what people would think about me that I didn't want to make another post the overthinking sucks so bad. One friend once told me 'without critics you'll likely have no success'. If you're doing what makes you happy fuck what other people think. If someone has the time to be looking into what other people are doing.. and is hating on that person because they are getting their self out there that clearly means that, that person is jealous and has nothing better to be doing. How sad is it for some people to take the piss out of someone for doing what makes them happy? It's so sad. If you're not doing what you love because you're too scared of what people think, try and remember that 'without critics you'll likely have no success'. Your idol has dealt with hate at some stage of their life. However they are still doing their thing. You do you. As easy as it is to give advice to people about being strong and to try and do what they love it is very hard to actually take that on board myself. I just try and remember that every struggle I go through is a step closer to getting to where I want to be. There will be storms but they will clear up and the sun will come through. This process is like a circuit it happens again and again, but each time you get stronger. There will be some downfalls but you can get through them and you can get up again.
Life is like falling off a bike, you get up and try and tackle life again. Do what makes you happy. Love you x

Let's Talk About: Anxiety & School

Living with anxiety is really difficult. It is the constant fear that everything you do is wrong or simply not good enough. Doing simple tasks like eating in front of people, putting something in the bin or standing/talking in front of people can be very difficult. These are things that some people don't have to second guess, things most people regard as easy. Life becomes even more difficult than it already is and an easily collapse without any notice.

I have known that I've had anxiety from the age of fourteen, however when I was twelve I had anxiety too, I had no clue that what I had been feeling had a name, that being anxiety. I remember I would cry before I went places because I was too scared that I would either see someone I knew, or make a fool out of myself. I would have heat palliations while queuing, I would feel like everyone's eyes were drilling into me laughing at me and judging me. From the vulnerable age of twelve I thought I was the weirdest person in the world, I would constantly ask myself why I wasn't enough, or why I couldn't just be normal!

When I was twelve mental health problems were never thought ins school (or anywhere I knew of for that matter), I thought the only health problems you could have were physical health issues such as athsma (which I also have). Don't get me wrong, health problems are serious but why is it that anyone suffering with mental illness's are brushed away? Just because you can't see mental health as easy as health that doesn't mean it shouldn't be dealt with in the same way.

Why is it that children aren't being taught about how serious mental illness's are? They're  not being taught about the dangers of not looking after yourself.
I didn't know that what I was was normal, in fact loads of people suffer with anxiety and many other mental illness's may not know that what they have can be treated. Finding out that what I had (being anxiety) was so liberating and relieving.

Today, I am a sixteen year old still battling crippling anxiety. I still find it hard queuing in shops, I still fall into endless panic attacks over 'stupid' things, but you know what? I am not the only person dealing with this knowing that helps me stay strong. It helps me feel at ease with myself.

Going to school with anxiety is the most difficult thing ever. I started secondary school when I was fourteen (which is actually quite old here in Ireland), I had not yet found out that I had anxiety. That first year of school was hell, I was vulnerable and  immature. Academically, I have always found school very difficult. I was never the top of any class. Maths in particular forever being my dowfnall. I would have panic attack after panic attack in classrooms because the fear of being asked to talk out in class was over-whelming and often I couldn't handle it also the fear of not being good enough in a subject was over-whelming. I have always been hard on myself, so when I didn't do as well as I would have liked that is when the self punishment started.

I will always think that the education system is fucked. I am grateful for the opportunity to have an education, but it is definitely flawed. I found the first two years of school very tough. I am not 'booksmart' and I find school extremely difficult. There were subjects in school I was doing that I hated, I had no interest in. For example, business (important but I could not give a crap about it), music, religion, science (again important but not for me) there are various subjects I had to do in my school which I could not give a shit about. What is the point of studying something you don't like? I'm bad at studying anyway but studying something I don't like, chances are I won't do it.

However there are things that I am interested in which are not tested in school, for example photography and drama. So for anyone in school who is A battling anxiety or B studying something they don't like or are getting bad grades. Don't worry. Everything in life happens for a reason, and there is something you are good at. Stay passionate and stay strong.

Moral of Blog Post: People should be taught at a young age about mental health illness's. Then people will be more aware and will know how to handle it if they ever find themselves having a mental illness. There is definitely still a stigma around Mental Health that needs to be resolved.
Also do the things you love, not everyone is booksmart and some people find school difficult. That's okay, there is always other ways of doing the things you are passionate about.

Stay strong and slay,
Lots of love,

                    Fiona xo

Let's Talk About: Makeup AND exciting news

Hello, welcome back to my Let's Talk About series. Today as you can tell by the title I am talking about Makeup. Disclaimer this is not a tutorial (I'm not that good at makeup) this is just me talking about what I think on a general scale of makeup.

I love makeup, unfortunately I'm not that good at makeup but I still do like to wear it. Before I did my makeup today I took a picture of me wearing no makeup, and then a picture of me wearing makeup. The difference shocked me a little bit.

Before:

 After:

I wear makeup because I love wearing it. I just love how you can do so many different looks with it, and how it can completely change a look. I also love it because it makes me feel more confident on for eg a bad skin day, or if I'm feeling crappy I'll just pop on some lipstick and I feel better. I don't wear makeup everyday because let's face it, I'm the laziest person you're gonna meet. I wear makeup if I'm going somewhere (besides school) special occasions and for practice. I am still not as good as I would like to be with makeup, but I guess practice makes perfect and you learn more and more as you go on.

At the end of this post I will list the products I used, if you're interested.
I always knew that of course makeup can completely change how a person looks, obviously because you are putting things on to your face to cover blemishes, cancel out redness, highlight your cheekbones etc.
However I feel like the girls/boys that wear makeup can get a lot of criticism for wearing makeup, or even how the makeup looks and people who don't wear makeup can get some criticism too.

Personally, I always believe that you should do/wear what you want. If you want to wear makeup everyday, great! If you only want to wear makeup for weekends, or special occasions also great! And if you don't want to wear makeup at alll, that's completely okay! Do you, and do what makes you happy. I find it so irritating when someone degrades someone just because of their choice to wear makeup or not! I have heard people being called 'sluts' because in someone's opinion they wear too much makeup, I have also heard people being called arrogant because they choose not to wear makeup, or they don't wear enough makeup. You can never win, so you may as well do what you want.
I am guilty of saying people wear too much makeup, I do it and then I'm like they could say the exact same thing about me, which is why I just tell myself that if that person feels comfortable with that amount of makeup that's none of my business and to stop being so judgmental.

I also believe that if you choose to wear makeup, wear what ever makeup you think flatters you and that you feel makes you feel good. Don't not wear a particular lipstick shade, or eye-shadow shade because someone says it looks bad on you. If you like it, wear it.  

I don't personally know of any boys that wear makeup, I do know of YouTube boys who wear makeup eg Manny Mua, who flippin kills it! I know that any men you work on television or go on television do wear makeup to tone down shine and stuff, but I feel like boys have just as a right to wear makeup. So if you're a boy who wants to wear makeup, do it. You only live once (I did just go there) so you may as well! Don't just leave the contouring to the girls, own it.


Moral of this blog post, do what makes you happy, and wear makeup if you want to. SLAY.

Products I used:

• Foundation: Boirjois Healthy Mix Serum (52)
• Powder: No7 Light Pressed Powder
• Concealer: Maybelline Eye Eraser (Yes I know it's an eye concealer, but I also use it for blemishes) (light)
• Highlight, Contour, Blush: Rimmel London Kate Moss Sculpting Kit (Coral Glow)
• Bronzer: Rimmel London Sun Bronze (022)
• Eyebrows: w7 Brow Parlour
• Eyeshadow: Sleek In the Storm and W7 Shades of Grey (I used the white shade in my inner corner) 
• Eyeliner: Rimmel Soft Kohl Kajel Eye Pencil (white) I use this in my waterline to open up my eyes. 
• Lipstick: L'Oreal Paris Privee Color Riche Lipstick 721 Eva's Nude. This is my absoloute favorite nude.
• Mascara: Rimmel Lash Accelerator Endless. 

Thank you so much for reading, here is my exciting news. I am starting a YouTube Channel soon. Yes ME. Which may not be exciting for you, but it is for me. I can't wait to start and see what it's like. I will give you more information when the time comes.

Lots of love,

                   Fiona xo

Let's Talk About: Exams

I'M BACK, BACK AGAIN.. (sorry). It's been over a month since my last blog post, and I'm just so excited to be back in action! So, over the last two weeks I've been doing exams, more specifically my Junior Cert. If you're not from or living in Ireland the Junior Cert is basically an exam you do three years into secondary school, it's not that important. However I was still really nervous and scared about it, because teachers make it sound a lot worse than it actually is! My friend Joe has a YouTube video on 'The Junior Cert Rant'. It is so funny and definitely worth a watch he almost has 1k views which is amazing!!! Go over there and watch it, and subscribe because his videos are great! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Kx5krgMM80

Before I go into my rant about exams, I would just like to say that I'm doing a 'Let's Talk About' series. Anyone who may know me will know that I'm very opinionated and I argue a lot. I might do these every once in a while. If you want me to talk about something in this, please let me know.

My Experience With Exams:

Okay, so since the start of secondary school I've been plagued with 'you need to know this for your junior cert' 'your jc is important' from teachers. And it's really annoying and daunting, since first year they tell you that the Junior Cert is a big deal! So when I got into third year, the junior cert was pretty much awaiting me. This sounds stupid to say now looking back on it, but at the time this was a really big fear of mine, every night in third year at the beginning I would come home crying realizing how close the exams were and I was terrified that I would fail my exams, and do really badly. This was a re-occuring fear of mine. It would just never go away. I'm not going to lie, I am definitely not the smartest in school.. I struggle with a lot of things and I'm also not good at studying which doesn't help my case. So going into the mocks (a pre- exam, to give you an idea of what the actual exam is like) I didn't study as much as I thought I would, to be honest I did hardly anything. There was some subjects I did really badly on, but these are the subjects I struggled with. After the mocks I began to realize that I badly needed to pull up my socks and study. I did a little bit of study, nothing massive just a tiny bit. Definitely not enough.

The week before my exams, I was an anxious mess. I have anxiety and panic attacks anyway ( Blog post on this: http://lookitsfifi.blogspot.ie/2016/02/my-struggle-with-anxiety.html ) so this was nothing new, except for the fact that they were much stronger, the simplest thing would make me fly over the edge and it wasn't pretty.
Someone I really loved died the night before my exams, and that really pushed me over the edge. That night I just had a major breakdown, I couldn't handle it. I think the fact that I was so unprepared mentally and physically for the exams just made me really scared!

I just want to say that my exams were definitely not as bad as I thought they would be. I definitely didn't get any A's or B's or anything! But they were not bad!! So here I am, living AFTER THE EXAMS. I wished for this day for a really long time. I thought my exams were the be all and end all, but they're not, I'm still here.

My Opinion On Exams:

I know that exams are important, they are! In my opinion the education system is so fucked up, I am so grateful for the opportunity to be educated because I know not many people don't get the chance. However I think having exams at such a fragile age, isn't fair.  We should be figuring out what kind of people we are, figuring out what we want to do with our lives not stressing and crying over exams. It is so easy for someone to say 'don't worry just do your best', but sometimes when you try your best it still isn't good enough. Like I've said before I find school really difficult, I'm not smart education wise. However there are things I love that are not tested for example, photography in our school we don't have the chance to do this, I know that other schools in other countries do have the opportunity to do this if they wish. They also don't test emotional intelligence which is something I love. There are so many things that are not tested in school, which you could be amazing at. If you're like me and aren't booksmart that is OKAY. It is, everyone has something they are good at. Follow your dreams and do the thing that is your passion! I know that if you want to be a doctor or a nurse or a layer or anything like that you have to pass a serious amount of exams. But if that is the thing you want to spend the rest of your life doing it will be worth it!!

Exam months can be really terrifying, and can definitely be anxious times. I know that this is so much easier said than done, but just do the best you can and try not to worry too much! At the end of the day they are just exams, and they don't matter that much. If you fail your exams and can't do the thing you want to do there is other ways of doing that thing! Don't loose hope, there is always other ways! It may take longer, it may take a lot of work but if it's the thing you love it will be worth it!!

I am just so happy to be back blogging again! I may also be doing another exciting thing this Summer, that I may (if I go ahead with it) be telling you guys about soon! I hope this helped you if you're going through exams or if you know someone going through exams! I wish you the best of luck getting your results!

Lots of love,

                        Fiona xo

My Pamper Evening

Hey there, I decided today to have a bit of a pamper day. I have never had one of these just because I don't know I've never really thought about it. Today was very productive I did all my homework and even a little bit of study, so I finished up early and decided to have a pamper evening. I did a blog post yesterday (and if you have not read that it's just after this one) but because I haven't blogged in like three weeks, I decided to do another one. 

So, from eleven o'clock this morning to like four o'clock (I had a break in between) I was doing homework and revision, so I was pretty productive for me anyway. 

Showering 

Whenever I've had a stressful day I love to relax by having a shower, I don't think anything in the world will ever feel as nice as a shower. It's just a great way to relax, and as a bonus you smell great! Some people like to have their shower before their productive day, but personally I like to have it after because it means I can just relax and take my time with everything. 

1. I condition my hair first using the L'Oreal Paris Elvive Smooth Intense Anti-Frizz Conditioner. I know conditioning your hair first before shampooing may sound weird (unless you do it) but honestly it makes washing my hair that little bit easier, it tames my hair. I have extremely frizzy/curly hair and I find that conditioning it first softens it and makes it easier to shampoo. 
2. I wash my hair with the Garnier Fructis Sleek & Shine Shampoo. I love this shampoo so much, because I find it so easy to lather and I feel like it makes my hair really soft, and it smells so amazing! I wash my hair every three/four days and on day three/four I can still smell the shampoo, which is amazing! 
3. I wash my body using Soap & Glory Foam Call. I love this so much, it's so soapy and smells amazing! The smell lasts a really long time and its just great!
4. I wash my face with Nivea Gentle Cleansing Cream Wash. This is tailored for people who have dry skin, and let me tell you it is amazing! It leaves my skin feeling so soft and I can't get enough! 
5. On Sunday, I use Simple Kind To Skin Smoothing Facial Scrub. This leaves my skin feeling so soft and clean! It's amazing. 

Comfy Clothes

When I'm having a comfy/lazy day I love wearing pajamas and having a no makeup day! The top is from River Island and the bottoms are from Penneys/Primark. Excuse how bad my skin is lately, I'm having the worst breakout and also my eyebrows badly need to grow back! SO please excuse.

My favorite scent is the Zoella Let's Spritz. I love this so much! It is perfect for this time of year, it is from her Tutti Fruity Range it is just beautiful. Nothing is better than smelling amazing. 

FaceMask

My friend got me a a facemask ages ago, I've never used one before and I didn't use half enough product as I was supposed to but that's okay I'll know next time. I used the 7th Heaven Creamy Coconut. I love this because even though I only used a little bit my skin felt so moisturized and soft. I left it on for fifteen minutes. And to add it was so relaxing and calming. 

Painting My Nails 

 

  

Unfortunately I am really bad at painting my nails, but nevertheless I still love painting them! I used this beautiful silver by Rimmel London in 239 Your Majesty. Can we just take a moment to appreciate that name! I love it! This color is so beautiful, I can't get enough! Painting your nails can be such a relaxing and calming thing, and I love it. 

I have incredibly dry hands, and showering can make my hands so dry so I use my trustee Zoella Wonder Hand (I have a review on this if you would like to read, after this of course: http://lookitsfifi.blogspot.ie/2016/01/zoella-wonder-hand-moisturising-hand.html ). I love Zoe so much, and all of her products that I have! I cannot wait to get my hands on her new range Sweet Sensations. This hand cream is so moisturising and amazingly scented. I can't get enough! It makes my hands feel so luxurious and they smell amazing. 

Lounge Time

Lounging around and relaxing is my favorite thing to do, I love it. After dinner I treated myself to Zoe's

(I have mentioned her so much throughout this post, I love her) new video! Please excuse how low quality that photo is, you can even see me through it which is really embarrassing but what can you do. I made some Chamomile Tea which heads up I don't like, I just said I'd try it because I've never tried it before. 

Lighting candles is so realxing, and slightly romantic and I am a romantic person I love everything like that! I feel like it adds a really nice atmosphere and it's so relaxing. 

One of my all time favorite books is The Fault In Our Stars by John Green. I have read this three times already, I LOVE IT. Reading is something I have loved since a child, now I'm so busy with school I don't get the time to read as much as I would like. 

Enjoy your day!

This morning when I was contemplating having a pamper day or not I was questioning if I deserved it. Honestly I haven't done much revision yet (which is so bad) so I was like really Fiona you shouldn't be taking ANOTHER day off. However it's not like I took a full day off, because I was working from eleven to four on school work (I'm still not finished) but I found myself getting really anxious and just blah, so I just did it. 

Honestly I felt a little bit selfish doing it as well, but you know what I've never in my life done anything like this, and it was so nice. I could just relax for a few hours and it was lovely. I would highly recommend it if you have not yet tried it. You deserve it, it is important to take breaks and relax! It's good for you. 

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed this post. This is probably the last you'll be seeing of me on here until the end of June, just because I have exams really soon. I do have my social medias which you can follow me on if you like. Twitter: @ lookitsfifi Insta: @ http.lookitsfifi Snapchat : fifimc99

Until then, best of luck in exams if you have them and stay strong.

Lots of Love, 

                     Fiona x